Week 7- When It Rains...

You know that saying, “when it rains, it pours?”  I’m pretty sure in my case the saying goes more like, “when it rains, it pours, and then it floods.”  This week has thrown us, especially me for quite the twist.  We knew with Owen there could always be setbacks, but he has defied all the odds and beat all of those setbacks.  As for me, I’m pretty sure I’m at my quota for setbacks and craziness that life offers, at least that’s what I thought.  If there is some crazy defy the odds illness that I may possibly get, I’m going to get it.

About two weeks ago I started getting some insane hurtful arm pain.  My shoulder, bicep, and thumb were hurting and at times numb and tingly.  I thought I probably pinched a nerve or slept on it wrong.  A week went by and we went to the urgent care and got a referral to a neurologist and physical therapist.  A few days later I got a rash on my hand that turned to some blisters.  Now I was having insane arm pain, eating ibuprofen like it was candy, and now had this weird rash/blister thing on the side of my hand.  Any guesses as what it could be?  Well, if you guessed that a 26-year-old girl got shingles then you are correct! That’s right my friends, I am a walking talking case full of shingles.  The best part of this is I am now quarantined from seeing Owen until I am not longer contagious.  My poor little guy definitely does not need chicken pox on top of everything else he has had to go through, hence my quarantine. 

So here I sit, for most likely a week or more from seeing Owen.  A week of him growing and lying in that open crib alone as wonderful and amazing nurses watch and take care of him. As if it wasn’t bad enough not feeling like parents because we literally visit our son, feed him at times, give him lots of kisses, and change his diaper now and again.  But now as his mom, I get to see him through Skype, make calls all day long in order to make sure he is doing okay and still on track for coming home.  I am super grateful and blessed that Chase can come over a couple times during the week to see him, hold him, and give him kisses for the both of us.  I know we have been so beyond blessed and have seen many many miracles, but I’m human and currently I am not a fan of my current situation. I'm upset and frustrated and so so tired. Tired of dealing with all the physical, emotional, and mental pain. I feel as if I've been drowning in water and the lifesaver is being thrown to me but gets pulled away from me a little more everytime I reach for it. I would not wish this situation or shingles on anyone. I chuckle because I literally thought I was catching a break, we are so close to coming home, but life had other plans it seems.

I know it hasn't been all bad and I know we have been blessed this week in spite of everything.  Owen has not spiked any fevers and the doctors and nurses have not seen any sign that he was infected. He is still thriving like our little warrior always does. Other blessings from this week include me getting to come home to Burley to our new home and help Chase unpack and set up the house.  Chase got promoted back in December to the Burley At&T store.  He was supposed to start the day before Owen decided to come into our world.endedneded up starting the beginning of January and he and my amazing aunt and uncle helped pack and move everything from Twin Falls to Burley. Between Chase working so hard from open to close, and coming to Boise to visit us he hasn’t gotten around to unpacking the hosue. Plus, he knew I would most likely end up moving everything and rearranging when I eventually got here.  So for a couple days I decided to come over here to Burley and help Chase unpack the house and start making it a home.  I also got to get Owen’s nursery ready. I’m defiantly grateful for the distraction  but still break down and struggle not getting to see and hold Owen.  Chase has been such a trooper dealing with his emotional and crying all the time wife and then building all the furniture for the nursery and going to work to help provide for us.  He has so much faith where I lack and he has been so strong for the three of us.  I can’t tell you enough how grateful I am for him.  He loves me so much, he only got to watch the last quarter of the superbowl so he could bring me home. For those that know him you know this is a big deal!  I honestly don’t know how I got so blessed. I sure  hope and pray this week goes by fast and these dang shingles disappear.  This mama needs to see and hold our sweet handsome little warrior, being apart is no good for any of us.

Now that I have thrown my pity party, complained, and ranted all about me, let’s get to the good stuff with the highlights of Owen.

Highlights Week 7:

•    Weight: 2301 Grams or 5 lbs. 1 oz.
•    No More Feeding Tube- as longs as Owen continues to eat at least 36 ml of food every three hours then he will no longer have to have the feeding tube and we are that much closer to being home.
•    Back on Home Oxygen:  Owen has been hanging in the high 80’s low 90’s for oxygen.  They decided to put him on home oxygen which is 1/16 liter of oxygen flow so he doesn’t have to work so hard.  We will most likely go home with that 1/16 of flow for a bit until he can maintain in the 95+ range for oxygen.  We don’t mind working with his oxygen as long as we get to bring him home!
•    Bradycardia Spell:  Owen was taken off of his caffeine about a week ago.  On Sunday he had a spell where he stopped breathing and his heart rate dropped and he had to be stimulated.  Silly boy you need to remember to breathe.  Because of this spell it adds another five days to our hospital stay.
•    7-10 days from going home! – as long as Owen doesn’t have any more of those bradia spells, he passes the car seat test, and as long as my shingles disappear, then Chase and I will get to room in next week! Rooming in is like a practice run for when you are home.  We will take a cpr class, learn how to use the home oxygen and monitor, and then basically sleep in our own room at the hospital and practice like we are at home with Owen.  We will finally get to wake up every three hours for feedings and changing of diapers and crying and all that fun “normal” stuff that parents do! I never thought I’d be so excited to lose sleep, listen to a crying baby, and change dirty diapers.  I know, I know, ask me in a month and I’m sure my thoughts may change, but as for now this is something that I couldn’t be more than thrilled about!

I can’t tell you how beyond exciting it is to see the light at the end of this long and dark tunnel! It’s been a tough week knowing we are so close to going home and then I am the one that sets us back with these dumb shingles that only old people are supposed to get.  We are so close and we couldn’t be more anxious and nervous and happy to be done with our NICU journey.  I’m sure when we get home within the next two weeks there will be a whole lot of new and overwhelming emotions and trials to come our way, but we are so ready for a break and some “normalcy” in our lives.  

So, if you are still reading this and haven’t gotten bored please pray for us.  I know we have had so many prayers and love sent our way but we could use just a bit more.  Pray for the pain and shingles to be gone sooner than later and to help me see the joy in the journey over the flood of our journey, pray for my sweet and ever amazing husband to continue to be able to thrive and succeed at his job that he works so hard in order to provide for us, and pray for our little warrior, Owen James, that he will continue to grow and reach those milestones and pass those tests in order to come home and be right where he belongs. 

Five Weeks

Highlights from theWeek:

• Weight: 1904 Grams or 4 LBS 3.1 Oz 

 Open Crib- On Tuesday the 18^th Owen was able to come out of the isolate bed and moved into an open crib.  This is a big milestone and so exciting.  Preemies are placed into isolates because they can’t keep their body temperatures regulated and need to be warmed.  Owen has been keeping his body temperature for quite some time.  He was getting so warm in the isolate they were unswaddling him because of this.  He definitely inherited that warm body temperature from his dad. 

·         Bath in the Bathtub- On Tuesday the 18^th Owen got his first bath in the actual bathtub.  We did a swaddle bath and he seemed to enjoy it.

·         ½ Liter of Oxygen- Owen has been on two liters of oxygen since coming off of the CPAP.  Now Owen is on a half liter of oxygen and doing great on it.  They have to raise the percent of oxygen during his feeds but the most it gets raised to usually is 24%.  He breathes anywhere from 21-24%.  Room air that we all breathe is 21% so he is doing pretty well with his oxygen.

·         Bottle Feeding- The last two days they have started Owen on feeding from the bottle. They will keep his feeding tube in but also work with him on bottle feeding. The process of sucking, swallowing, and breathing is very tough on a preemie.  The whole multitasking thing makes preemies very tired, but Owen has been doing great.  The first time they tried the bottle he drank 15 ml of milk out of his total 36 ml he drinks every three hours.  In the last twenty-four hours, out of his total feedings, he took 42% from the bottle.  This is a great sign! In the nights he tends to drink the most from the bottle because he tends to be more awake.  I also think it’s because one of our favorite nurses Kristina is working with him and he wants to show off for her.  During the day he takes a bit less from the bottle because he gets tired and falls asleep more often.  However, all in all, we are impressed with his progress so far on bottle feeding. This is one more big step to being able to eventually come home!

***Our little O-man is working so hard and we couldn’t be more proud of his progress. He continues to surprise the doctors and nurses and is meeting big milestones.  Our little miracle continues to humble us and teaches us something new each and every day.  We absolutely love our little warrior and couldn’t be more blessed. 

Sleepy boy with a cute and little double chin!

First time we held Owen to holding him now.

Owen's footprints from when he was born and when he turned one month.

4 Weeks!

Yesterday we hit the big 4 weeks! 

Owen's Likes:

• Binky! He is definitely becoming a binky baby.
• Sleeping on his belly. His O2 stats are always best on his belly.
• Putting his hand up by his face.  No matter what one hand has to be near his face.
• Nurse Amy.  Amy is one of our favorite nurses. She is absolutely amazing!  Every time she gets in to do his cares and talks to him he looks at her and is so alert for her. She lets us do so much and has taught me so much.  She is the sweetest with him and with us and we couldn't as for better.  We get bummed the days she isn't in our room with us.
• Milk! This kid is up to eating 33 ml of milk within a half hour every three hours. He keeps it down and digests it well.  A month ago we were barely trying out 2 ml and hoping he could tolerate it.
• Mom.  Everytime her hears mom's voice he stirs and moves around. We both love our daily snuggles.
• Listening to football games with dad.  This week he listened to his first football game with dad.  Dad is looking forward to many more football sharing moments in the future. 
• Bath time 

Dislikes:

• Sleeping on his back. Whenever Owen is placed on his back they have to turn up the flow of his oxygen because he desaturates. He is not a fan of sleeping on his back.
• Eye Exams.  Owen had his first eye exam this week on the 16th. He was not a fan in the slightest. Nurse Amy told us we didn't want to be there so we weren't.  They have to force his eyes open in order to check all the vessels and make sure everything is developing correctly.  Good news he passed his first eye exam and won't have to have another for two weeks.
• Temperature Checks. Let's be honest no one likes a cold hard metal temperature gage in the armpit.
• Nasal Cannulas: Owen is continually pulling out the nasal cannulas in his nose that give him the oxygen and air flow. 

Other Highlights:

·         Weight: 1620 Grams or 3 lbs 9.1 oz

·         Sodium: The last couple weeks Owen has been getting extra sodium because his levels weren’t high enough.  The extra sodium caused him to retain water and swell up in his bottom half.  Yesterday they checked his levels and took him off the sodium completely. Where they took him off of it yesterday, today (January 18^th) he lost some of that water and lost 20 grams.  It was expected for him to lose a bit due to the water he was retaining.  However, he is not as swollen and his bottom half of his body is looking much better.

·         Caffeine: When preemies are new to this world they have a hard time multitasking.  This is seen through when they’re sleeping and trying to breathe.  Owen had what’s called Bradycardia spells meaning he stops breathing and drops in all his stats. Those spells are some of the scariest moments when you hear all those monitors go off.  Most the time he would stimulate himself but sometimes the nurses had to stimulate him to remind him to breathe.  These bradycardia spells are cured by giving him extra caffeine.  Owen for the past few weeks has not had any spells the way he did at the beginning. They are slowly decreasing the amount of caffeine they are giving him and will hopefully be off of completely in the next couple weeks.

·         Oxygen: Owen is on low oxygen and oxygen flow.  He has been on 2 liters of oxygen to help with his breathing since they took him off of the cpap around week one.  This week we were weaned down to half a liter! He is rocking it on the half liter and we couldn’t be more excited! This means that soon they will try taking him off of the oxygen to see how he does. Here’s to hoping for the best! 
  

It's weird to think I have a baby that is a month old but if I was still pregnant I would only be 33 weeks along. I am in shock how fast time has gone by.  At the same time, it feels like we have been here forever.  I am so excited our little man has grown so much and is already four weeks old.  However, it makes me so sad that a whole month of his life has gone by and I have had to watch that month go by in a box.  I know it is the best place for him to be but it's hard watching him grow and change so much from a distance.  

We have been told that maybe by the weekend they will start feeding him on a bottle or breastfeeding.  We have been told this is a very long process.  He has to learn to eat and breathe at the same time and keep it all down. Babies born this early struggle to learn to multitask. However, we couldn’t be more excited to be starting this process so soon.  He has been meeting all his milestones like a champ. We are so proud of his strength and how much we have been blessed that he is staying under the radar and doing so well.  Thank you for the continued support and prayers.  We are truly blessed with our little miracle.

The End: December 16th-25th

Friday, December 16^th

Since the cerclage surgery, we would go in for weekly appointments.  This Friday we were in for our weekly appointment.  We figured it would be the usual ultrasounds, check the stitch, check the baby, and check the cervix.  Over and over we would hear that baby looks great and the stitch is holding.  This particular Friday I felt we needed to ask them to fully check where Owen was weighing in on the growth chart.  The ultrasound tech told us they don’t usually do that but she would ask the doctor.  The doctor gave the okay and they did the checking.  She did all of her ultrasounds and then sent to the doctor.  Doctor Smith told us our baby was breech but there was plenty of time for him to turn.  He then told us that my cervix had completely funneled down to the stitch and all that was keeping him in was the cerclage stitch.  He then told us Owen was coming in at the 12^th percentile in all his measurements. He told us he wanted to send us to Boise on Monday to get a look at why baby boy was small and for the cerclage.  He then wanted to send us to labor and delivery to get the steroid shots in to help baby boy’s lungs start developing.  The shots were just a precaution but could only help.  We went in and got the first shot and would come back in on Saturday to get the second steroid shot. We would then leave Sunday night for Boise.  We decided to pack for a few days just in case they wanted to monitor us more than just Monday.  It’s a good thing we packed for more than one day.

Monday, December 19th

We headed to the maternal fetal medicine offices for our visit with Dr. Lee.  When we got there they did my vitals and everything was good.  My blood pressure (which had been fine my entire pregnancy) was a bit on the high side, nothing crazy, but we blamed it on being nervous and being at the doctor. They did a bunch of ultrasounds and checked everything out on Owen. Dr. Lee came in and told us that Owen was measuring small but everything else seemed to be in place and working.  He was getting all the blood flow and nutrients but for some reason was measuring small.  He was 29 weeks but measuring as a 26 weeker.  Dr. Lee wanted to do some monitoring and a nonstress test and then would send us on our way.  When we went back to get set up on the monitors they took my blood pressure again.  My blood pressure was measuring a lot higher than at the beginning of our appointment.  Dr. Lee came in and was a bit concerned but said we would continue to take it during the nonstress test and the other monitoring.  They took it every fifteen minutes and it continued to spike even higher.  Dr. Lee kept asking if I was feeling swollen, headaches, and pain in my chest or anything like that.  I kept telling him I felt fine.  They took my blood pressure a few more times and then told me they would be wheeling me over to the hospital to check in.  He told us having high blood pressure can be a sign of preeclampsia.  He wanted to check me into the hospital for the next twenty-four hours to continue to monitor my blood pressure, draw some labs, and do a twenty-four hour urine catch to check the protein to make sure I wasn’t getting preeclampsia.  They wheeled me across the street to the hospital and Chase and I found us back in the same room on the antepartum floor where I was life flighted for our cerclage surgery back in October. 

We called my parents to let them know that we would be at the hospital for at least twenty-four hours.  They asked me if they needed to come to Boise to be with us.  I told them we would only be there twenty-four hours and we were okay.  They decided to make the trip anyways because they are absolutely amazing like that.  (It’s definitely a good thing they came).  As we got settled into our room they came in and drew some labs and explained to me what would happen.  Later the doctor on call for the week, Dr. Seyb, came in to meet with us. He explained what they were looking for and were monitoring us for preeclampsia.  Again, they continued to check my blood pressure and it just continued to spike and spike.  I think the highest it ever got was about 195/102.  Chase and I continued to hang out and discuss how this really wasn’t our favorite holiday season.  Later Dr. Seyb came in and told us that my liver enzymes were a bit high and my platelets were getting somewhat low but nothing to be concerned about yet.  He told us they would wait till tomorrow to determine anything once they had the results from the urine catch.  He told us to expect to be having a baby within the next week or two if I really did have preeclampsia. We were a bit in shock that something like this could just show up so suddenly.  Everything had been fine, we were back in the hospital but not for the thing we were originally life flighted for.

The day continued on with constant blood pressure checks and my blood pressure not improving.  My parents showed up and we were very happy and relieved to have them there and for the support.  As the night went on I began feeling a bit worse.  I didn’t sleep well due to nurses, IVs, blood pressure checks continually, and finally, I was beginning to feel that pain and tightness in my abdomen.  I tried to get in as much sleep as I could but it was definitely not happening.

Tuesday, December 20^th

Early the next morning around 5:00 a.m. they came and drew more blood for labs.  I was beginning to have shortness of breath and feeling like I couldn’t breathe.  My abdomen hurt and I wasn’t feeling well in the slightest.  My parents came over that morning to hang out and see what was going on.  My 24-hour urine catch wouldn’t be done till about noon and we figured we would be waiting around until they had labs done on that.  Dr. Seyb came in around 8:00 am to tell us that my liver enzymes had increased and my platelet count was decreasing. He told us that this was preeclampsia and turning fast into more. He informed us that preeclampsia turns into HELLP syndrome (a life-threatening liver disorder thought to be a type of severe preeclampsia. It is characterized by Hemolysis (destruction of red blood cells), Elevated Liver enzymes (which indicate liver damage), and Low Platelet count). He told us the only cure to keep me safe and the baby safe was to take Owen out.  Where Owen was breach it would be a c-section.   He told us that we would most likely be having a baby by tonight These were not the words that we were expecting. Chase and I were in shock with everything that was taking place. In less than twenty-four hours, my life had become in danger and we were having a baby. I can’t tell you the thoughts and emotions we were feeling at this time.  Shock. Numb.  We had to prepare to have a baby tonight!

After Dr. Seyb left, lab came in and drew more of my blood.  I was beginning to feel more pain in my abdomen and having, even more, trouble breathing. Around 10 or 11 a.m. Dr. Seyb came back inform us that within the last few hours my liver enzymes had doubled and my platelets had decreased even more.  He informed me the pain I was feeling was my liver because my preeclampsia was turning into hellp syndrome.  He then told us he had scheduled our c-section for 1:30 this afternoon and we were having a baby in just a few hours. The shock and numb we were feeling had now turned into pure and unadulterated fear. Thank goodness for my parents.  My dad left to buy some oil to be able to give me a blessing before everything went down.  My mother who is amazing in crisis continued to comfort Chase and me.  She wiped away my tears and held my hand telling me it would all be okay. It was so hard to believe that having a baby at 29 weeks would be okay.  That having an emergency c-section to now save my health and our child’s would be okay.  I can’t explain the feelings and emotions we were both feeling.  There are no words to be able to explain this moment in time. 

We were taken down to the prep room for having a baby.  I was hooked up to two more ivs.  I was so tired and in pain not only from the liver pain but also from being poked with so many needles.  They had to poke me in multiple places to finally get the two extra iv’s in. They hooked me up and started pumping me full of magnesium, also known as mom torture.  I was informed it was going to make me feel even worse than I was feeling at the time.  The magnesium would help Owen with brain bleeds and also keep me from having a stroke or seizure.  I admit this is where things started to get hazy.  I remember Chase holding my hand telling me we would be fine.  The nurses all around explaining what would happen in the operating room.  The neonatal people explaining what would happen with Owen.  The anesthesiologist explains the spinal they would give me.  Good thing I already knew what the spinal would be like due to the cerclage surgery.  My dad then showed up within a few moments of the surgery.  Chase and he were able to administer me a blessing.  I don’t remember what was said but I remember the fear subsiding and feeling calm. 

It was finally time for my c-section.  They wheeled me in and Chase had to wait out the doors as they finished preparing me.  As they prepped me I kept asking when Chase got to come in.  I kept worrying that he wouldn’t be able to be there.  As Chase was waiting outside he later told me it was the longest fifteen minutes of that whole day.  He told me how those fifteen minutes he broke down.  Thinking how there was a chance he could lose his wife and his son in the same day.  That he had no control over what would happen.  How he could be walking out of this hospital again losing someone he loves and cares so deeply about all over again. (The Boise hospital is where Chase’s mom passed away when he was eight years old). It was an extremely long fifteen minutes for the both of us.  There were so many people in that operating room.  A team of doctors for me and a team for Owen. Finally, Chase came in and they started the procedure. I remember him holding my hand, kissing my forehead, catching my throw up, and telling me we were okay. I remember hearing Owen cry.  I remember being able to kiss his forehead before he was whisked away.  I cried and cried at how small but perfect he was. He was born at 2:51 p.m. weighing in at 1 lb 15.6 oz and 13.4 inches long.  I cried as my baby was taken and whisked away and not knowing what was going to happen.  They got Owen stable and he and Chase left the operating room.  I cried as I watched my husband and my brand new baby leave.  It took about another half hour for them to finish up everything with my c-section.  I was then wheeled into recovery.  A bit later my mom, dad, and Chase returned to be with me and catch me up to date.

As I laid in recovery the four of us began to discuss names.  Chase and I had discussed Nixon Dean as the name we both really loved and thought we would go with. I had always loved Owen James and thought it was the sweetest name for our little man. Chase liked the name too but was pretty set on the name Nixon. As we debated and discussed names, my mom decided to look up the meaning of both Owen and Nixon.  When she read Owen stood for, “young warrior, noble, well born” we knew and decided the name Owen James Clarke couldn’t be more perfect for our sweet blessed spirit we had brought into this world.  Chase filled me in on Owen, and he was doing well.  They didn’t have to intubate and he was put on the cpap to help his breathing for now.  They started an umbilical iv to help him get the nutrients he needed for the time being. He was in an incubator to help with his temperature and to continue to keep him warm. He was doing well and stable and as cute as can be. 

After they let me out of recovery, the wheeled my bed up to the NICU so I could see Owen.  Oh, it hurt to my heart to see our sweet tiny child hooked up to so many lines.  It hurt my heart to not be able to hold my child and knowing I would have to watch him grow in a box for who knows how long.  As they wheeled me away I began to cry even more.  I began to blame myself for my body not being able to keep my child safe.  I began to feel upset that I didn’t get to have a normal pregnancy. This was our first pregnancy and it had only brought us stress, heartache, and so many other emotions. There would be no tender pictures to reflect on. It wasn’t fair.  What hurt the most during that time was knowing that I couldn’t hold our child.  How can I be a mother and feel like a mom when I can’t even hold my baby? Those first few days were the hardest and I went and felt every emotion on the spectrum.  Everyone was congratulating us on having a beautiful baby and being parents.  How can you feel like parents not be able to take care of your child in the way you feel like you’re supposed to? I didn’t feel that warm connection to Owen.  I felt even worse because I didn’t feel like I was bonding with him the way I was supposed to.  I knew I loved him more than I thought I could but I didn’t feel connected. I can’t explain the feelings and emotions and the experience of those days before I held Owen for the first time.  It took nine long days before I held him for the first time.  I remember as they passed him to me and I held him to my chest I became overwhelmed with feelings and emotions.  This was the moment for me that changed all my negative thoughts and feelings.  This was the moment I felt connected to this beautiful new spirit.  I felt the unconditional love my Heavenly Father had for me for sacrificing so much to make sure this spirit had the chance to have a body and have a chance to come to this world. I was overcome with knowing that I was the one chosen for this experience and to have this beautiful boy in my life. This was the moment where the spirit testified to me that Chase and I were exclusively chosen to handle all of this, and were specifically chosen and given the responsibility to raise this child of God and to be Owen’s parents.  I can’t say that I still don’t go back and forth between positive and negative thoughts and feelings, but I know without a doubt we can do hard things, life will continue on, and our life is truly a blessed and enjoyable one.

Wednesday – Sunday, December 21-25^th

I was in the hospital until Christmas day. My parents stayed until Thursday and were truly amazing support through this all.  I don’t know what I would do without their unconditional love and support.  During this time spent in the hospital, my blood pressure remained really high and dangerous.  They spent days giving me blood pressure medicine to figure out what worked best for my body to make me stable.  It was up and down and I felt horrible until they got things figured out.  I remember crying as Christmas was approaching knowing my sister and brother and their families would all be at my parents for Christmas.  I was so sad to be in the hospital for Christmas and knowing I would miss spending the holiday with my siblings and family. I hadn’t seen my sister for months and had yet to meet my nephew Lincoln who was born back in October. Imagine my overjoyed surprise when Friday morning the 23^rd my big brother and big sister and baby Lincoln walked into my hospital room with doughnuts.  I couldn’t believe it.  I was so overwhelmed and was so beyond happy to be able to spend that morning together with my siblings. I cried and we laughed and I cried as we laughed because laughing after a c-section is not a good idea.  They couldn’t have come at a better time and I am so beyond blessed to have the best siblings and best friends a girl could ask for.

I was finally released the night of Christmas Day.  As we left, we were both starving and the only thing we found open was Jack in the Box.  As we sat there eating fast food on Christmas we both started laughing and feeling quite pathetic this was how our Christmas was being spent.  It is definitely not a Christmas dinner we will ever forget.  We were blessed to be able to get a room at the Ronald McDonald house.  It is only a couple blocks from the hospital and they have continued to take good care of us.

Owen came into this world with a big bang.  From start to finish he was meant to be here and part of our lives.  Chase and I never knew we could love someone so unconditionally.  We couldn’t be more blessed to be chosen to be this little boy’s parents.  He continues to surprise us with his strength each and every day.  We continue to be blessed and our faith continues to grow.  We have come closer to each other and closer to our Heavenly Father.  Our experiences the past four months have been the hardest and most amazing months of our lives. We are living and seeing a miracle each and every day. We still have ways to go, a long journey, and much to learn.  We couldn’t be happier and more blessed with the life we are living and this adventure we continue to be on.  

The Middle- October 26th

Things were going really well for the most part.  I had the morning sickness but felt fine throughout my pregnancy other than that.  I was emergency hired during this last semester of student teaching.  I took over a 6th grade Language Arts class at O'Leary Middle School and was so excited with the way things were working out.  Between getting everything done for my classroom and everything done for ISU, it was pretty hectic but was pulling together nicely.  I told Chase that everything was too perfect and something big was going to happen.  Little did I know it would be sooner than later. 

We had an ultrasound for our gender set up originally for the 17th of October.  However, due to having parent teacher conferences I had to move it to the 26th of October.  Little did I know this was a blessing in disguise. The doctor later told us if we had come in on the 17th they probably wouldn't have caught what they did.  We went in for our gender ultrasound on the 26th and were beyond excited to find out what we would be having.  During the ultrasound they do a full anatomy scan of baby and check me out too.  When we heard boy, Chase threw up his arms and yelled, TOUCHDOWN! I laughed and we were both so beyond happy to have a little boy joining our family.  The ultrasound tech continued to check things out when she told me that she would be back and needed to get the doctor.  That was the moment I knew something was really wrong.  

Our doctor came in, confirmed, and told us that my cervix was open and I was dilated 1.5 cm. Everything after that was pretty much a blur.  We had literally gone from the happiest moment in our lives to a dreaded moment.  So many emotions began to appear between the both of us.  They wheeled us into labor and delivery where they put me on lots of monitors.  I kept getting asked over and over if I felt any contractions.  I told them over and over that I was not and felt fine.  The doctor came in and told us that as long as I didn't have any contractions in the next twenty-four hours they would be flying me to Boise to meet with the high-risk doctors. During that time we were calling family and updating everyone on what was going on.  My grandpa Gale Lim had happened to be in Twin Falls that day and was able to come over and help Chase give me a blessing.  I was so thankful and blessed he happened to be in Twin and it was such a comfort to have him there to help us and bless us.

The next day they loaded me up in the helicopter and sent me to Boise. Chase wasn't allowed to ride with me and had to drive the two hours to Boise by himself.  The helicopter ride wasn't too horrible.  It was more of being strapped down and in a tight space that bothered me. When I got to Boise they set us up in the antepartum department and I waited by myself until Chase showed up.  We were so scared and so unsure of what to expect.  The high risk doctor, Dr. Blea, came in to give us our options and talk with us about what would happen now.  The first three options all guaranteed that we would lose our baby.  The final option gave us a 50/50 chance of saving our son.  There is nothing more terrifying and overwhelming knowing that as a parent we could lose our child.  We opted for the surgery of course to give him the best fighting chance. With this surgery the doctor would go in and push up the baby with a balloon-like catheter, he would then do a cerclage stitch and sew up my cervix.  During the surgery there was a chance that he could break the water sac and send me into labor and we'd have our baby during the surgery.  There were major risks but there was also hope.  

The next day I was up early and prepped for surgery.  The night before my mom had shown up and also our brother Ben.  They were both amazing comfort to have for Chase and me. As they prepped me for surgery, they told me I would be awake during the surgery, and that's when I lost it.  How could I be awake and listen to these doctors during this surgery? Knowing at any moment things could go wrong and I would birth our 21-week old baby.  My mom asked if I could listen to music and they allowed it.  I was now prepped and ready to go.  Chase headed to the waiting room with my mom and Ben, and I headed into the OR.  I listened to my mom's playlist during the surgery, it was full of Bon Jovi, Boston, Poison, and others of the same.  Her music definitely kept my mind off of what was going on.  I cried during the entire procedure, I"m not afraid to admit it, I've never felt so scared in my life.  The anesthesiologist was so sweet and kept patting my shoulder and wiping away my tears.  The surgery took about a half hour, but in no time my legs were lowered and I was being wheeled into recovery.  The doctor came to talk to Chase and I and told us that we were a 9/10 on the difficulty level.  He was able to get only one stitch in but was confident it would at least give us a few more weeks of keeping our baby in and cooking.  

We spent another two days in the hospital recovering.  By the time they released us we were definitely ready to head home.  I was told that I would be on bed rest, as to not put any added pressure on my cervix.  I would also be seeing our doctor in Twin once a week to make sure the stitch was holding and everything was checking out fine.  Unfortunately, this meant that I would be getting a long-term substitute for my classroom I had only been teaching in for a month.  Bed rest was not going to be fun, but it would be worth it to keep our son growing. During bed rest I had lots of visitors and phone calls to keep me from going crazy.  I also stayed busy doing weeks of sub plans and grading papers from home.  Chase, of course, was amazing in helping me.  He would come home at lunch to check on me and take out the dog.  He would do all the chores and help me in any way he could. He was so fantastic and I honestly don't know what I would do without him.  I was able to get out of the house here and there as long as I was taking it easy. During bed rest we had another trial when Chase lost his mom on Thanksgiving.  We were definitely dealing with our fair share of trials.  We were learning so much about ourselves and each other.  We were becoming closer and relying on our Heavenly Father to help carry us through all of this.  After Thanksgiving and funerals and such, things were going really well.  We were so blessed the cerclage was holding and our baby was growing.  We knew things could change at any moment, but we definitely weren't ready for how fast it all did change.

The Beginning- May 2016

Owen James was meant to be part of our family from the very beginning.  Chase and I had decided back in May of 2016 that we were ready to add to our family.  We decided after four years, it was time to get my IUD out.  I would be finishing and graduating school in December and we felt it was a good time to start our family.  We figured it would take awhile to get pregnant.  We were told by many at least three months before we'd get pregnant.  I got my IUD out on May 16th. Within two weeks I started to feel a bit different and funny.  Three weeks later I thought what the heck, I'll take a test.  The test came back negative.  Chase kept teasing me that I was pregnant, and I thought there was no way it could be that fast.  Around the week of June 20th Chase came home super late and had bought a test.  He woke me up and told me to take it.  I was really grumpy with him for waking me up so late.  I went in to take the test and instantly saw a positive sign.  I told Chase it was positive, and in a panicked voice, he told me I hadn't waited the full three minutes.  I told him it wouldn't change three minutes from now, but none the less I waited the three minutes.  We went back in and both started laughing in an awkward way because the positive was still there. We laughed and cried and were scared out of our minds. Clearly, Owen was ready to be here from the start.  Within a month of wanting to start our family, we were pregnant!